What the hell is it about hitting your mid thirties? Wrinkles, wiry grey hairs, achy joints, and a frumpy wardrobe...wham bam! Who is responsible for this madness? Did I do this to myself? While I thought I was a fashion plate in my teens and twenties, I only had to look back through old picture albums (remember those...?) to realize that I was a crime against fashion even way back then. Crime, in the sense that people probably died of laughter just looking at my outfits.
|circa 1989..red sweatpants and homemade holiday sweater...let's not talk about the hair.|
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I opened up my closet this week, sure to find the same chic duds I browse every morning (who was she kidding, anyway?), and I swore there was a blinking neon light above, screaming "You are a hot mess!" I couldn't put together anything. I kept second-guessing my choices. "These are too tight, it's too cold for this one, no shoes to match those pants, if only this shirt were beige instead of hot pink, this needs a brown belt, these pants make my ass look flat, why am I still keeping this faux-fur capelet again?...etc."
I ended up wearing brown elastic-waist slacks (the first and last item ever bought from a catalog...hello, ELASTIC WAIST with no rear pockets? Exhibit A, your honor), a wide necked cream sweater with a light brown fake shirt sewn in the front opening part, and grey penny loafers. I was cold around the neck, so I put on my infinity scarf that I had crocheted. Out the door to greet the day, jauntily skipping, but warily self-conscious.
This look got me several stares on my errands. Was I frumpy? Who knows? Was I chic? I couldn't tell really! The scarf probably made me look like I had a sh+tload of cotton candy around my neck, now that I think about it.
So, this girl has decided to bite the bullet and ask for help. I plead guilty, your honor.
I have ordered an online personal stylist program to help me define my style, determine which clothes work for my body shape, and which colors compliment my skin and hair. All for $40, one year subscription. I get a weekly style update email with advice and more importantly, pictures of clothes to suit my shape. I have already learned so much, for example, flared leg jeans don't look right on my petite frame. Why couldn't I have known that last season before buying two pairs???
Basically, I have to throw out my entire wardrobe, it seems. I can't wait to go shopping!